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Not Yet by ~uncopyrightedvinegar:iconuncopyrightedvinegar:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Romantic > Other Romance > Open


I'm counting the hours till your voice fades.
Before I was missing you and counting the days.
You've gone and I can't bring you back.
I'm following another track.

I'm waiting for your face to fade.
I still rue the images not made.
Eventually I will forget,
just not yet.

I want to take back all my words
and erase the ones I heard.
I wish it was possible
but I know it's absurd.

Can I push the borders of time
and forget I want you to be mine?
Can I forget the things that I know
and attempt to let you go?

I cannot wait to be still again.
Restlessness comes hand in hand with pain.
Eventually I will forget,
just not yet.

I'm watching memories flicker in my mind.
I'm slowly chopping up our timeline.
Soon I will have never known you.
It won't matter if you're untrue.

The butterflies in my stomach die
and I return to level ground.
I will no longer notice
when or if you are around.

I will not be able to sense
the effect of your presence.
Eventually I will forget,
but please, I'm not quite ready yet.
©2008-2009 ~uncopyrightedvinegar
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Submitted: October 3, 2008
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~Moretta:iconMoretta: Oct 3, 2008, 8:16:59 AM
It makes me sad.

I know, not quite comment you were expecting, but it's true.

Do you mind a little constructive criticism?
The number of syllables in a rhyme shouldn't vary too much. It makes it more fluid, easier to read and actually makes a bigger impact, I think.
You've done a good job, but there were some parts that didn't quite seem right to me.

*ducks flying curses*
That's all!
~uncopyrightedvinegar:iconuncopyrightedvinegar: Oct 3, 2008, 10:09:31 AM
Lol actually I noticed that but purposefully didn't edit it.
I kind of like it in the jagged way it is XD.

But thanks a lot :D.
And yes, it's sad.

And lol of course I don't mind, who better to give CC?! :D

Niz xxx

--
*+* Change is inevitable, except
from a vending machine!*+*

Back to DA ^_^.
~VegaNiz.com~
~uncopyrightedvinegar:iconuncopyrightedvinegar: Oct 3, 2008, 10:45:32 AM
Lol another thing about the syllables, I didn't explain the jagged-ness, it's because of the change. Like, the chopping of the timeline I see as random bits being cut out, so the timeline doesn't run smoothly, like the poem :).

Niz xxx

--
*+* Change is inevitable, except
from a vending machine!*+*

Back to DA ^_^.
~VegaNiz.com~
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